25 Ways to Live Like a Car Guy

I've mentioned this in multiple posts, and it's going to be a recurring theme so I figured now was as good a time as any to actually type it up. If you've got a copy of the January 2006 Sport Compact Car you've already got this list but for some strange reason it's really hard to find it anywhere on the internet. Here is the original version from the magazine.

Original Version

1. Find uninterrupted driving.
2. Do your first track day.
3. Own a must have tool.
4. Test as many cars as possible.
5. Beat a speeding ticket.
6. Watch the sun set in LA and New York within two days and 3,000 miles.
7. Buy a beater.
8. Dyno your car.
9. Go to driving school.
10. Powerslide.
11. Learn to left-foot brake.
12. Do a Rockford. Well.
13. Rent a rear-whee-drive rental car and drive it like a rental car
14. Watch a local short-track race on Saturday Night
15. Go to a NASCAR race and experience the real action: the infield.
16. Volunteer for a weekend of pit crew duty in grassroots racing.
17. Taste every one of the 24 hours of Le Mans.
18. Four Words: Autobahn, Nurburgring, and Ring Taxi.
19. Race your car at the local grudge match drag races.
20. Wrench all night.
21. Drive an open-wheel car with downforce.
22. Buy the first car you fell in love with.
23. Drive on Route 66.
24. Modify your car the day before a 200-mile trip and find out just how much you really know about cars.
25. Jump your car.

I really like that list but some of the items I just don’t ever see myself doing or are wholly impractical given my living situation.   Here’s the stuff I pulled off and why:

4. Test as many cars as possible. – What the hell does this even mean anyway? How do you know when you’ve accomplished it?

6. Watch the sun set in L.A. and New York within two days and 3,000 miles. – I don’t live in New York or L.A. and taking a trip to either to drive to the other just isn’t worth the time or effort.

7. Buy a beater. – My first car was a beater. My second car was a beater. My third car was a beater. I’m not owning more.

14. Watch a local short-track race on Saturday Night – I have nothing against this one, I just needed the space.

15. Go to a NASCAR race and experience the real action: the infield. – No. Just…No. Are you serious!? I HATE NASCAR. No.

16. Volunteer for a weekend of pit crew duty in grassroots racing. – I like wrenching for me or friends who help me with wrenching.  I don’t like wrenching for anybody else - even my wife.  I’m not burning a weekend doing it for total strangers.

Here's my personal list with corresponding commentary. The original list had something like this but it's a lot of trouble to type it all up just for posterity so I added my own commentary for the items I've substituted in.

My Version 

1. Find uninterrupted driving. 
2. Do your first track day. 
3. Own a must have tool.
4. Weld your own exhaust.  Unobtainium exhausts from Japan are cool, light, and well designed.  They're also more expensive than hard drugs.  Constructing an exhaust of your own design using ghetto parts that still sounds awesome is a path to carmic and sonic liberation. 
5. Beat a speeding ticket. 
6. Swap an engine into a car it wasn't meant for.  Car companies make most of their small and light vehicles for regular people and as such install the smallest engine that will still allow the vehicle to merge with traffic on the freeway.  These engines are made from 100% suck.  Cramming a V8 into a car the size of a shoe is inherently difficult and time consuming but your reward is shedding the constraints of an economy motor and being able to do burnouts or donuts on comand. That's a prize worth going after for a real car guy. 
7. Boost a naturally aspirated engine.  Unlike the soldeirs in the Army your engine isn't being all it can be.  In fact it's probably being 70% of what it can be because someone worried about reliability decided it was a bad idea to put a turbo on an engine with a compression ratio of 10.5:1.  Reliability is for family sedans and if nothing ever goes wrong you can't knock off #14.  Boost it up.  Blow it up.  Rebuild it better and stronger. 
8. Dyno your car.
9. Go to driving school.
10. Powerslide.
11. Learn to left-foot brake.
12. Do a Rockford. Well.
13. Rent a rear-whee-drive rental car and drive it like a rental car. 
14. Rebuild an Engine.  There's nothing like taking something completely apart to really get intimate with how it works yet it's the rare car guy that's gone through the process of tearing down and building up a motor.  You need tools, skills, and money and if you do it wrong you'll need more of all three.  That's ok because you'll learn more through the process about motors than you ever could from a BGB.
15. Design a car.  Imagine a car driving past you on the freeway.  Now imagine that you penned every line, every crease, and every seam of that car.  Most of us will never know what that feels like but that doesn't have to stop you from achieving this.  Learn to draw and pen your own masterwork.  You may never get to see it in the flesh but it can still be a perfect incarnation of your own ideas about cars.
16. Destroy a car. Many people have done the "I swerved out of the path of a deer and hit a tree" destroyed.  This is the  "I took a sawzall to the roof" destroyed. It's sort of like cleaning a fish or game animal - dirty, gross, and rediculously interesting all at the same time.  It's also a great way to get out every frustration you've ever felt while working on a car.  Nothing says freedom like sawing through an A-pillar and pulling off a roof. 
17. Taste every one of the 24 hours of Le Mans.
18. Four Words: Autobahn, Nurburgring, and Ring Taxi.
19. Race your car at the local grudge match drag races.
20. Wrench all night.
21. Drive an open-wheel car with downforce.
22. Buy the first car you fell in love with.
23. Drive on Route 66.
24. Modify your car the day before a 200-mile trip and find out just how much you really know about cars.
25. Jump your car.

Here's my tally thus far:

1. Find uninterrupted driving.
2. Do your first track day.
3. Own a must have tool.
4. Weld your own exhaust.
5. Beat a speeding ticket.
6. Swap an engine into a car it wasn't meant for.
7. Boost a naturally aspirated engine.
8. Dyno your car.
9. Go to driving school.
10. Powerslide.
11. Learn to left-foot brake.
12. Do a Rockford. Well.
13. Rent a rear-whee-drive rental car and drive it like a rental car.
14. Rebuild an Engine.
15. Design a car.
16. Destroy a car.
17. Taste every one of the 24 hours of Le Mans.
18. Four Words: Autobahn, Nurburgring, and Ring Taxi.
19. Race your car at the local grudge match drag races.
20. Wrench all night.
21. Drive an open-wheel car with downforce.
22. Buy the first car you fell in love with.
23. Drive on Route 66.
24. Modify your car the day before a 200-mile trip and find out just how much you really know about cars.
25. Jump your car.

I'm currently at 11/25.  The plan is to use the MR2 and ES300 to cross off 4, 6, 7, 11, 12, 14, 15, 16 which will put me at 19/25. 

9 I'll do at some point well after the MR2 is finished and I've got a couple grand burning a hole in my pocket.  I don't think an autocross or track day class counts - I want to do a real school where you're using their cars.

I'll need to take a trip to Europe and not let my wife plan the whole thing to get 17 and 18. 

I have no idea how I'm going to get 21 but perhaps I can make that part of #9. 

23 is going to be a problem since Route 66 is pretty damn far away from me but I can make a special trip.  Maybe with my son when he's old enough.

25 - no idea.  I'll first need to get a car I wouldn't mind destroying while attempting it and weld in a roll cage.  Sounds like something to try with a gutted Subaru 2.5RS on rally tires.  Some day...